Coming Up Short

I was a goaltender, which was the most insane position to play in hockey or any other sport. The actual intent is to get some part of your body in the way of a hard object that is traveling at a great speed. Once I unwillingly used my Adam’s apple, which earned me a trip to the hospital. They gave me the game puck. I thought that was ironic. Being a goaltender is a stressful position. If you make the slightest mistake, a red light goes on and a horn sounds and everyone stands up and yells at you and calls you terrible names. Come to think of it, that was good training for my current job. Marriage too, come to think of it.

My college hockey career ended abruptly when I let in a few goals that my coach judged to be unnecessary. In my defense, those guys were shooting the puck way too fast. And I was up late the night before so I was tired! Can’t a guy be tired?. And the last goal pretty much went through my ankle bone on the way to the net. But nevertheless, my coach told me that I “came up short.” So he replaced me. And I would have thought that my replacement in that situation should logically have been with someone who was twice my size and even had an extra limb or two. But I was replaced by Gilles, from Canada, who had only the minimum required four limbs. And he was shorter than I was. Seriously?

I have never understood decisions like that. I thought my coach had made a huge mistake.

But then again, I’ve never been lauded for my intellectual foresight. As it turned out, Gilles, my replacement, actually did very well. In fact, he was far better than I was, and eventually became a professional goaltender. The mistake, as it turned out, was mine.